Thursday, 30 December 2010

secret: sucked into a little black cloud

despite the bluebird day, and the person who donated candy at work, i just got home and i feel that damn black cloud over me...

i'm tired. i'm poor. i'm meant to be going out to dinner and i can't afford it, and i'm sure if i said so someone would pay for me, but that will make me feel worse. i was thinking some dancing might fix it, if the dancing is free of course...

i really feel like staying home, eating a baked 'tato and drinking some whiskey. but drinking alone is antisocial, and verging on alcoholic. isn't it? i don't know.

so i shall go out, and have beer for dinner, and feel all is right with the world until tomorrow morning when i am hungover and poorer and i have to work. bleah. see why i don't want to go out?

bad company as well. sigh. lucky i'm a good faker.

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

neither secret nor treasure: observations of the day

  • boys sing falsetto with their eyes closed. why is that? i love this cover, even though it's pop, because it's a catchy song with a cute boy singing it. 

  • i woke up this morning with both my ears blocked. everything has been a little off today. it makes me burrow deep into myself, and think about things i have avoided for a while. i need to go back to australia soon for a visit, figure some shit out. i don't know what i want to do or where to go next!! there is a war inside my head, because i want to stay where i am, live day by day, at peace... there is the other half saying 'you are a ski bum, make a plan, think of all the things you could be doing!'.
  • i really want a haircut, but i am so defensive of my hair at the same time. it took me a long time to grow it and i love it... but i also want a fringe. i think i will ask my friend melissa to cut me one...
  • i feel like i haven't done anything that classifies as "young and reckless" since Halloween. that's why i'm in whistler, right? i guess new year's eve is up and coming. time to get loose, methinks.
  • i want to do an open mic night this season! richard the swede is going to make it happen, i can just tell.
  • i am going riding tomorrow morning. nothing will stop me.
  • i quite enjoy writing lists with dot points. makes me feel efficient.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

treasure/curse: christmas crowds and tourism towns

i have used this photo before, but i love it so much. it's a christmas eve photo.
it's beginning to look a lot (fuckload) like christmas round these parts. there are enough fairy lights to run several small fairy cities. it's like whistler can't get enough. christmas on fucking steroids.
a terrible side-effect of christmas is that the village of whistler fills to the brim with damned tourists, spending their holidays here, and lining up at OUR chairlifts, taking all the good tables at OUR bars... fuckers. i had a burst of outrage tonight (internal... i don't really make scenes) at the full buses, the traffic everywhere when none of the bastards can drive... then i realized that maybe if the tourists didn't come, i wouldn't have a job. duh.
to ponder a little, if i may (and yes, i may, because it's my blog and i'll ponder if i want to), i think that north america is way bigger on christmas than australia is. is it a northern hemisphere thing? is it the white christmas factor? coz, holy crap, there is a lot of christmas in the air.
i love this time of year, but can i tell you exactly why? obviously being mostly atheist i am not really about the birth of christ. what i do like, however, is the excuse for excessive consumption of everything... foods (ham, turkey) and drinks... oh boy, what i wouldn't do to a rum and eggnogg right now. mitch and i had an pretty sweet drinking session with the rum and eggnogg the other day. he's replacing my little hugh, who i love the shit out of (that expression is just so i don't seem too gooey) but who sadly is not here to be my drinking buddy like he was last year.
so we've all got it down. i like drinking. i like it more when it's appropriate, but then, i do live in whistler, where most of us have a little bit of a problem saying no to alcohol, thus making it almost always appropriate.
but listen kids, and listen good. the reason for the season: the snow. the white stuff. that's the good shit, i waited 6 months for it and it has not failed me yet. that's the reason i really love this time of year. snowboarding, friends, apres.
all i need now is a kiss under the mistletoe, or on the chairlift...

secret: i wish ...

  • i could have three beers in australia: two with my brothers, one at bar etiquette
  • i had some money to buy christmas presents for my lovelies
  • there were more hours in the day
  • boys weren't so stupid
  • that sometimes people would stop talking
  • my room would tidy itself, like in mary poppins

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

happy birthday jo

dear jo,

i hope you have the happiest of birthdays. 25 has been good to me so far, and i hope it treats you well...

jo, you have always been a good friend. i like that you ask me about what i'm doing with my music and writing, it reminds me to keep going because i do love it, but sometimes i forget. i love that you have encouraged and celebrated with me my move to canada. i do sincerely hope you come over to shred with me sometime...

i admire your upcoming adventure to nepal, and am quietly jealous. i look forward to hearing about it... seeing the outcomes music-wise...

i have so much respect for you in your pursuit of your creative passions. i have huge envy of people who aim to make the thing they love their career, and i am certain you will continue to succeed.

you deserve all good things.

including this blog-cake, as is tradition. if your name was gilbert, it would be perfect.

love you jo.

xx Happy Birthday

Sunday, 5 December 2010

treasure:old stuff: rediscovered.

from july 8, 2009

at least she knows one thing for certain. as she turned down the wrong street in vancouver and had to make her way past a block and a half of dusty greyed street people, she feared for her own safety. at least she has that, for she had feared (another fear) that she was suicidal. not in possession of the will to live, or the care to. she at least has this.

but maybe it is not suicide which appeals so much as disappearing from the world. no boxes to tick, no weight to carry, no plans to make. perhaps suicide is the wrong approach. perhaps an invisibility cloak would do. but to exist (the opposite of non-existence) one inevitably requires money, things, a roof and a bed, and so on. thus things must be done. which brings her/us to the original desire to disappear. what is the answer? more wine? more wine! more wine.

10th august, 2009
it occurs to me
i could just stay here
i could fall in love with
someone who wants me in whistler
someone who offers no boundaries; restrictions a laughable concept.
it just now occurs to me
that feeling stifled
is not on my prerequisites list.
but i might be drunken on eye-contact.
if i love
the things you love, will you love me?

it occurs to me
that i am already unfaithful
i am in love with pitchers of beer and mountains
i think longingly of them, when
i should think of you.

oct 15, 2009
your pockets are filled to the brim with things you have collected absentmindedly while creating order from chaos
you find in there several small treasures and a letter written to a friend, too long ago now to send, but you are slow to discard it
there are, of course, the broken bits, the pieces of treasure that are not what they once were, are a shadow of their former self in fact
your pockets are just too damned full for their own good, and you are struggling with indecision in the face of despair
and you stop a minute and wonder what others, or one particular other, will think of they catch you trying to empty out these silly messy pockets
you need to empty these pockets quietly
on the sly, in order to see what has acutally been in there all this time,
and what it is you are going to have to throw away.

a love song i wrote: one of the only ones i ever finished and still like

place your arm
round my shoulders
be yourself
and then be bolder
i am a step away from you
and i will not repeat myself, that'll do
-you laugh until you feel confused
-you smile until you look amused

stick to scripts
say the words you know
don't forget
take a breath, breathe slow
i am a step away from you
and i will not repeat myself, this will do
-nothing big, just a tangle of legs and arms
-none of any of us will come to any harm

someday soon,
we will surely speak
i can wait a year
but i can't wait a week
now i'm just a step away from you
no words left to repeat, nothing else to do